As most of you know, in order to raise more support, my departure has been pushed back--tentatively--to November. This uncertainty has the potential to drive me crazy; I don't consider myself to be a woman of patience or perseverance. I think maybe that is why the Lord has ordained this time of 'waiting' in my life.
Typically, when I have to wait for something, I spend most of my energy dwelling on the fact that I am not content with my circumstances. But then I end up having a bad attitude and rubbing off on the people around me. In fact, I think I spend most of my life waiting for something.
For example, when I am at work I spend my day waiting for work to be over, when I am hanging out with people I spend my evening waiting for it to be time to go home and get into bed, I spend class time waiting for the bell to ring, and while i am driving I spend time thinking about how badly I want to arrive at my destination.
If I really sit down and think about it, I can't remember the last time I truly savored the moment that God has given me, truly worshiped Him in the moment and was content in my circumstances. Even in my quiet time I've found myself peeking at the clock or rushing through scripture.
A favorite verse of mine has always been Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
This 'waiting' is the hebrew word 'qavah' for gather together, look patiently, tarry, wait for, on or upon. This isn't your typical "twiddle your thumbs, count the ceiling tiles" waiting. This is an active kind of waiting, and this is where I draw my strength. I could so easily sit back and wish that the Lord would finish the job of raising supporters for me. But that would not be waiting, that would be wishing.
You see, our hope is an expectant hope. It rests upon a God who fulfills His promises and commands His children to join Him in the labor. When I refuse to work for His purposes, I close my eyes to the promises that He is already fulfilling around me. I can't see His amazing work if I am not looking. I can't rejoice in the harvest if I am not harvesting.
This life isn't just about God 'getting me' to New Zealand. This is about me joyfully participating in God's act of showing His glory to the world. He's doing that now.
So yes, I want to be elsewhere right now. But God wants me here right now, so that is where I will stay, and instead of wishing to be in NZ, I will continue to work towards it, content in my circumstances and rejoicing in the work God is doing here!
I had to take a step back last nigfht and ask myself; "At what point does faith just become foolishness?"
You see, I was sitting on the side of exit 156A, Richmond IN on the the last leg of a trip from Apple Valley, OH to Indianapolis. My car was dead, my phone was dead, and my hope was dwindling. I can clearly see how the Lord orchestrated the circumstances to push me just out of my comfort zone without putting me in any true danger. For example, had I not needed to go to the bathroom, I would have found myself stranded in the middle of a 3-lane highway instead of the exit ramp.
But the question still lingered. Support raising has felt like an uphill battle, and many circumstances have seemed to give me reason to quit. So why haven't I yet? Well, for one, I have (by God's grace alone) fixed my eyes on Christ and on the task set before me. I have committed to give %100 of my efforts until I am no longer permitted to continue. I have seen the Lord raise up so many faithful partners in the ministry; people who are giving prayer and money to reach Kiwis. Most importantly, though, I have been learning that it is when faith becomes foolish that it, in fact, becomes faith!
Despite frustrating circumstances with cars and computers and visas and health insurance, a quiet, steady voice calls to me. It says "Come, my child, follow me, put your hope in me and I will give you all that you need". Is it foolish to trust that the Lord can and will provide the rest of the support for the ministry in New Zealand? Yes and No. Yes if I were thinking in a worldly sense. No because, one, I am still meeting people who care about the ministry and because I believe in a God whose resources are endless.
Where I am: I still need 13 more people at $100 a month to be at 100%, and I am confident that the Lord will raise up more people to give to the ministry! I will keep everyone posted as to how it is going, because it is truly exciting to see God provide!
I end with this thought; "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" (1 Corinthians 1:18).
