It's scary to admit how much I rely on my computer--a little black machine that processes information and allows me to see it on a screen. When mine wouldn't start up on Monday night I didn't know what to do. My worst fear had come to fruition; all of my contacts, appointments, communication, and resources locked away in a black box with no key. When did I begin building my life around such a luxury?
After a bad attitude, the gracious support of Betsy and a lot of consumer reports, I left Best Buy, new laptop in hand. Not only did I get a new laptop today, but I have also gained some much-needed insight. My priorities are skewed. I was consumed by my frustration and my fear of losing days of support raising. Paralyzed by my fears, I was unmotivated to do anything else. In this, my eyes were opened to facets of my life that I do not trust the Lord with, namely, raising support. God is bigger than a computer and the money that I am raising for the ministry is ultimately His work.
I saw this week that I haven't been relying on Him and I am truly afraid of what might happen if this trip is not realized. I am captivated by my worries and not living into the freedom that Christ provides. I have no reason to fear anything because I know that my security lies in Christ and I am only called into faith. Faith, for me today, means that I must put forth every effort toward developing ministry partners regardless of the outcome. I simply do not know what the outcome will be, but if I did, that wouldn't be faith!
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