As I address Christmas cards I am absolutely floored by the support network that God has built up around me. It is by no feat of my own that I've reached 75% of my support goal. The road has been rugged, a path tread by many before me, without a map or compass, only following the call of a good and faithful God. Does that mean the path leads me where I want it? Absolutely not. Does that mean I should stop following it? Never.
They were called wise men. They followed a prophecy (Numbers 24:17) and a star. This is what we Christians celebrate as Epiphany. The Greek word epipháneia means manifestation or appearance. The culmination and manifestation of the Wise Men's hopes came at their arrival, not before they left. They had no Garmin to show them the route. They weren't even given an address, yet they were considered "Wise".
Sometimes I feel like I am following a far-off dream, not yet realized. But then I remember the Wise Men who followed a star and the Israelites who followed a pillar of clouds (Exodus 13). Maybe it is not necessary for me to know the exact destination of my journey. Maybe instead I am called to hold my face up in expectancy, step forward in faith, stay from stumbling by Grace, and in all of this joyfully worship the One who guides my feet.
I had a good cup of coffee with a friend today and it was such a great reminder to not lose focus. I keep forgetting that this is a time of testing for me. "as gold to the fire I will surrender to your hands"
I need to stop focusing on the unknowns (when, where, why, how) and focus
on what I do know:
1. "how blessed on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news" (Isaiah 52:7) !
2. I serve and obey a good God with good purposes.
3. The storms cannot destroy me. Even the rain has it's purpose.
4. If it is worthwhile it will not be easy and it will take patience.
I got to work with the giraffes today and I took a glimpse of the marvelous work of our Creator. He designed these animals with specific purposes in mind and saw to it that each detail served to give the giraffe an advantage in the wilderness. You see, God didn't promise the giraffe an easy life void of predators. He just equips the giraffe with advantages to help it survive. I think sometimes I wish that the Lord didn't put any 'predators' in my life, and that instead it was easy. But I'm not looking at the big picture. You see, in the wilderness, lions need to kill to survive. It's not just about the giraffes...
I've decided to start doing a post each day with a photograph because that helps me to better vocalize what's going on in the world of MPD and I'm sure it would help my followers better visualize the work the Lord is doing all around me!
So the first post is going to be coffee steam in the morning, taken at the zoo, while I was waiting for the day to begin. Right now I am trying to just be observant and bask in the Lord's love while I am 'waiting for my day to begin'.
As most of you know, in order to raise more support, my departure has been pushed back--tentatively--to November. This uncertainty has the potential to drive me crazy; I don't consider myself to be a woman of patience or perseverance. I think maybe that is why the Lord has ordained this time of 'waiting' in my life.
Typically, when I have to wait for something, I spend most of my energy dwelling on the fact that I am not content with my circumstances. But then I end up having a bad attitude and rubbing off on the people around me. In fact, I think I spend most of my life waiting for something.
For example, when I am at work I spend my day waiting for work to be over, when I am hanging out with people I spend my evening waiting for it to be time to go home and get into bed, I spend class time waiting for the bell to ring, and while i am driving I spend time thinking about how badly I want to arrive at my destination.
If I really sit down and think about it, I can't remember the last time I truly savored the moment that God has given me, truly worshiped Him in the moment and was content in my circumstances. Even in my quiet time I've found myself peeking at the clock or rushing through scripture.
A favorite verse of mine has always been Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
This 'waiting' is the hebrew word 'qavah' for gather together, look patiently, tarry, wait for, on or upon. This isn't your typical "twiddle your thumbs, count the ceiling tiles" waiting. This is an active kind of waiting, and this is where I draw my strength. I could so easily sit back and wish that the Lord would finish the job of raising supporters for me. But that would not be waiting, that would be wishing.
You see, our hope is an expectant hope. It rests upon a God who fulfills His promises and commands His children to join Him in the labor. When I refuse to work for His purposes, I close my eyes to the promises that He is already fulfilling around me. I can't see His amazing work if I am not looking. I can't rejoice in the harvest if I am not harvesting.
This life isn't just about God 'getting me' to New Zealand. This is about me joyfully participating in God's act of showing His glory to the world. He's doing that now.
So yes, I want to be elsewhere right now. But God wants me here right now, so that is where I will stay, and instead of wishing to be in NZ, I will continue to work towards it, content in my circumstances and rejoicing in the work God is doing here!
I had to take a step back last nigfht and ask myself; "At what point does faith just become foolishness?"
You see, I was sitting on the side of exit 156A, Richmond IN on the the last leg of a trip from Apple Valley, OH to Indianapolis. My car was dead, my phone was dead, and my hope was dwindling. I can clearly see how the Lord orchestrated the circumstances to push me just out of my comfort zone without putting me in any true danger. For example, had I not needed to go to the bathroom, I would have found myself stranded in the middle of a 3-lane highway instead of the exit ramp.
But the question still lingered. Support raising has felt like an uphill battle, and many circumstances have seemed to give me reason to quit. So why haven't I yet? Well, for one, I have (by God's grace alone) fixed my eyes on Christ and on the task set before me. I have committed to give %100 of my efforts until I am no longer permitted to continue. I have seen the Lord raise up so many faithful partners in the ministry; people who are giving prayer and money to reach Kiwis. Most importantly, though, I have been learning that it is when faith becomes foolish that it, in fact, becomes faith!
Despite frustrating circumstances with cars and computers and visas and health insurance, a quiet, steady voice calls to me. It says "Come, my child, follow me, put your hope in me and I will give you all that you need". Is it foolish to trust that the Lord can and will provide the rest of the support for the ministry in New Zealand? Yes and No. Yes if I were thinking in a worldly sense. No because, one, I am still meeting people who care about the ministry and because I believe in a God whose resources are endless.
Where I am: I still need 13 more people at $100 a month to be at 100%, and I am confident that the Lord will raise up more people to give to the ministry! I will keep everyone posted as to how it is going, because it is truly exciting to see God provide!
I end with this thought; "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" (1 Corinthians 1:18).
These Caedmon's Call lyrics always stick out like the treasured spot of red on a bruised tomato. In whom do we place our hope? What does it mean to have a hope that is young? Have I become so quickly disillusioned?
The morning after I decided to halt any career opportunities and pursue the missions field, I awoke with a gnawing feeling in my stomach. Questions littered my mind and the fog that hovered over my heart kept me dry and distant from the people around me. All day I was battling my doubt, feeling like the last soldier standing on the field. Short of breath, dizzy with the stabs my parents' disapproval, and without a weapon. I wanted to retreat.
I had been reading a book at the time, "Peace Like a River" and one conversation struck me at the time;
"Where do you think you're going?" Dr. Nokes demanded. I think he feared the sickness had touched part of Dad's brain in charge of good sense. "What do you have for directions?" he asked.
And Dad, eyebrows raised in delight with his forthcoming answer, said, "I have the substance of things hoped for. I have the anticipation of things unseen."
What I needed was directions. The world was yelling at me to turn back, to rethink, and yet I knew that the Lord was calling me to follow Him. So I chewed on this little passage for a while that day, trying to recall where I had heard it before. Still weary from the spiritual battle ensuing inside, I sat down to fold laundry and catch up with my mother.
When I reached for one starched yellow t-shirt, I began to read the quote on the back: "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the anticipation of things unseen."
I dropped the shirt and exclaimed to my mother, "I just read this in a book this morning! Why can't I figure out where it is from?"
"Ashley," she said matter-of-factly "isn't that a Bible verse?"
It's amazing how the Lord arms us for battle. I expected a sword and was handed a slingshot. Yet, that was all I needed. Ephesians 6:17 commands us to "take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God". It may have seemed like a little battle to many of you, and truly this is one of many in my experiences, but the Lord literally gave me the word to use as a weapon.
As it turns out, there are battles to be fought, continually touching the celestial spheres, swords beating against the armor of the Lord, indestructible as it is.
It's scary to admit how much I rely on my computer--a little black machine that processes information and allows me to see it on a screen. When mine wouldn't start up on Monday night I didn't know what to do. My worst fear had come to fruition; all of my contacts, appointments, communication, and resources locked away in a black box with no key. When did I begin building my life around such a luxury?
After a bad attitude, the gracious support of Betsy and a lot of consumer reports, I left Best Buy, new laptop in hand. Not only did I get a new laptop today, but I have also gained some much-needed insight. My priorities are skewed. I was consumed by my frustration and my fear of losing days of support raising. Paralyzed by my fears, I was unmotivated to do anything else. In this, my eyes were opened to facets of my life that I do not trust the Lord with, namely, raising support. God is bigger than a computer and the money that I am raising for the ministry is ultimately His work.
I saw this week that I haven't been relying on Him and I am truly afraid of what might happen if this trip is not realized. I am captivated by my worries and not living into the freedom that Christ provides. I have no reason to fear anything because I know that my security lies in Christ and I am only called into faith. Faith, for me today, means that I must put forth every effort toward developing ministry partners regardless of the outcome. I simply do not know what the outcome will be, but if I did, that wouldn't be faith!
